I feel cheated on, today

Because there is someone else out there who is

Living my life—wearing the shoes I would have picked

had I gotten to the store first; and in clothes

that actually belong to me; telling stories

that are hidden in the corners of my heart

And I don’t know how she knows, but she knows

And she flies, while I float around today,

holding on to temporary anchors as I search for wings.

Because there are no words for the things I feel

And reasons for what I feel, but I feel, so much

About so many things—like when I cross the road

And stare at faces that say to me- “you know,

I have an interesting story to tell”; and when I see

mothers holding daughters as they cross roads

and on the other end, daughters holding their mothers

who are children again, once their job is done

And how I laugh and smile and cry

Because I can see the circle of life; but there is no one word

Or even many, that can ever describe the warmth I feel

That sometimes burns the inside.

Because I can see time slipping through my fingers

and life passing by my eyes; while I’m consumed

in work that makes no difference to me, but have to do anyway

and the panic attack I feel, when I see the date

because it’s already October and my friend told me,

that the year ends in 74 days, and because I have no clue

where the rest of the weeks and months went away

And though I know I have changed a lot, as time added

something new to my eyes; I just wish there was some more time

so that I could stop and just feel the change as it occurs.

Because I cheat myself when I don’t say the things I feel

Like the words that sleep dreamy-eyed on the tip of my tongue

waiting for the day they’ll finally come out; and the fine line

between who I am and what I wish to be, and the game

I play as I cross over from here to there every once in a while

And because ‘love’ isn’t such a big word anymore, but ‘feelings’ is

And because you could hold hands and hug people all day

But that in no way means that they understand, or you do

And because we walk but don’t know where to go.

I feel cheated on today.