I was scared

Once

A long time back

Or so it seems

Of being hurt,

Scared so bad

That I couldn’t let anyone

Come close to me.

Then you came along

And I feel warmth

And strength

And faith

And hope

Somehow

I’m scared no more.

But

Now I have

New things to be scared of

And today

I feel most scared

Of myself

Because

When you stand by me

All weak and soft

Telling me things you tell no one

And believing in me

Not to hurt you

The way I look at you

I’m terrified

Of the me

That’ll want to pinch you

Slowly

And deep

Into the part of your heart

That needs most

To feel loved.

I love a lot of poems

And stories

And people

And things

That break my heart

I love them despite it

and

Sometimes, I guess, I love them for it.

Thinking of all the things I think will make me happy

But what if one day

By a swift move of some fairy godmother’s wand

Or some blessing

Or by sheer hard work

I do get all of it

And what if it doesn’t make me as happy

As I thought it would?

What if all the people and places and pictures

Can’t destroy the fire burning my soul

And what if all the music and dancing

Doesn’t tire me at all

And what if I keep looking for

A place called home?

What if I tell myself

That the true days of joy are somewhere ahead

And for now not laugh a lot

And what if in reality

Maybe the time to be happy

Is now?