Wild Girl

Wild girl, keep thinking of all those songs
Out there that you could fall in love with
Never go crazy about the playlist you have;
Wild girl, keep staring into and away from the mirror
You're most beautiful one day, most unbearable the next
Are you even the same person every day;
Wild girl, heal them when they pass you by
Cut them when they come too close
But dare you ask what you want of them;
Wild girl, go hide in your fantasies
Where the flowers have no bees, the sun does not burn
Look if you can find anything that matches the real world;
Wild girl, get scared of your darkened thoughts
Your sadness, your anger, your evil ways
Wonder if your smile and love is ever real;
Wild girl, don't ever let them tell you to change
Let them tell you but you tell them back
You love and hate at the same time,
You give and take together,
You smile and frown at once,
There will never be another like you
You, wild girl.

She sits there like a quiet wooden doll, a personal puppet

With her eyes cold and dry; the curve of her lips a straight line,

Sitting there in the clothes they gave her, now all she has to do

Is stay as quiet as possible and it would be over so soon;

They came in with their knives and cloth; heating the wax to a high degree

And spilt it on her skin, little by little; she hid the frown on her face

Ignored the chatter of thoughts inside her head; waited as they ripped

The cloth off her skin; ask if this was a part of her she wanted to save

Or would she rather be without? Too late, the decision had already been made

Before she could think all the things she can think now;

They bent her legs up and down, asked her to turn over,

The wax reached places other people were not allowed to touch

It was bad to feel pleasure there, but it was okay to get this hurt;

Closed her eyes to feel better; but all she felt was the movement of a

Puppet doll, now her arms are raised, the way they are after a winning

Cricket match; now they are sticking to her sides, all timid and closed;

Now she opens her hands and passes them forward; each part is

Dripped with wax; each part ripped apart; she can feel the sticky itch

As the wet towel runs over, offering comfort to the wounded body

It is amusing to think it would make her feel better; she tells

Herself that one fine day it will stop to hurt;

Till then she must sit quiet, she must bear

The cost of looking beautiful.

Every once in a while

I go about my day

Without wearing a bra

Beaming with joy

At this rarely felt freedom

Of fooling a tradition

I was taught to follow since eighth standard

When I learnt that

The blooming of my breasts

Is something to be hidden, tied

Lest they go wild

Lest they be wrongly eyed

Lest I enjoy the attention

Lest the girl loses her mind

Becomes a woman too soon.

But I am a woman now

I have already given away that

Which they fear

I will lose

I have let my head have

As less hair

As my soul could bare

And given my heart

To more (kinds of)
Men and women

Than my relatives would like.

I am woman now

I am no longer fooled

By fairytales

And the promises I’m offered

If I promise to behave

Their standards are a

Different type of ceiling

The kind that seems

Achievable at first

But keeps lifting

No matter how hard I try.

I am a woman now

And I have no intentions

To behave

To keep a glued smile

To be quiet

My bra will be there

But only when I will it to

I will be free.

Every time I want to tell you

The truth, you ask me

For a lie.

I want to say I did that because

I hated him in the moment and

Wanted nothing but revenge

Blood for blood

Pain for pain

Heart break for heart break

But what you want to hear

Is that it was a silly mistake

A misunderstanding

A miscommunication of words.

I want to tell you that I’m hurt

There is a needle in my heart

That pricks all day, I’m aware

Of it all the time, that

I don’t want to smile right now

Not today

But you ask for a smile

You want me to say

“I’m fine”

I want you to know that with

Him life is different now; we

Are on two unsimilar paths

And yes things were beautiful

When they were well

Now too much has changed

Including him and me

But you want to hear

That we will try

To be the same people again.

I want to tell you the truth

That sometimes forests burn

Flowers go dry; shores are

Washed away, roses prick; and

Crows are not secretly singing

profound songs; but all you want

Is to turn towards the sun

And close your eyes.