An Implosion

There is silence, then I am no more, fragments of me

Float in the body, is that why the heart hurts, the mind is

Itchy, and the stomach is so full without lunch?

Tell me dear world, where do I go to weep, to shout, to hurt

Would you allow me to hurt at all?

My revenge plan 1: silence. Stone cold noiselessness

Revenge plan 2: shout at a brick wall, let the words lose meaning

Revenge plan 3: to smile, and say you don’t matter

Revenge plan 4: I want to slap you and stab you in the neck

Revenge plan 5: I will fantasize about stabbing you

Revenge plan 6: I weep, alone, into my pillow

Revenge plan 7: take the allergy medicines to fall asleep

Revenge plan 8: we’ll try mindfulness meditation to let it go

Revenge plan 9: rationalize and empathize till you become him

Revenge plan 10: maybe let’s give up on revenge

Can we please be friends again?

Day 97: I stab you in my dream

I wake up smiling. The world is okay, I guess.

Four puppies and a cat away
My horror dreams are about
Piercings in my body being occupied by maggots
Like my dream home being slowly chewed
By termites who show more resilience
Than the puppy who laughs and jumps
Despite a punctured chest
And a hollowed underarm
Is this the fear? 
Being empty
Or being full 
And slowly chiseled away
By the parasites of life
The anxiety bug that takes over my day
The carved out outline of our relationship
With no words left, no care to share
The therapist is still a week too far
The vet will be wet,  he needs a car
It is raining in our home town
My tears flood the house
The maggots are winning
Then tomorrow you'll be back
I laugh and jump
At your sight.