National poetry month

Day 1 

Prompt - Write a poem from the point of view of your favourite fictional villain

count Olaf

The name of the Count has been ruined by those wretched orphans and that annoying Snicket
The one sided tale on this unibrowed man who at one did impressions with his babbles and boobles
Twice I was approached to be the lead in a movie/tv ("unfortunate" events), alas, twas not too good for me
And before that came the annoying crowd of three - the Baudelaires whose fortune I had to steal
I set fourth with a map of secretly stained locations, one my home not far from here
Where poisoned darts punctured my dear parents bodies, "I'll be five", I said heavily
Then was born Al Funcoot and his theatre troupe of six
Several times seven days of the week I chewed on rasberries and planned
I ate them and eight them and ate them and planned
Sometimes I even schemed all day and nine
In thirteen books that took me a decade to read, I had ten flawless disguises that noone could see
And all the evil that I did or didn't do, I was compelled to repeat
And though eleven twelve or thirteen books may soothe your soul
It takes infinite courage to take on this character that fits my villainous role
Once upon a child, but never just an Olaf
I'm the handsome Count who can count, the great Count Olaf.