I have unconsciously written a series of poems on love -
unloving and being unloved
loving someone without them loving you back
falling in love with someone who is not thinking of you
the kind of person you should fall in love with
falling in love with someone else

and here's another one now. Clearly this woman comes from a lot of experience!

wanting to fall in love

for three years I have barfed at the L word and

apologized to lovers whose holding hands I’ve wanted to puke on

i’ve read literature that invalidates romance and

fallen deeply in love with the gifts of friendship

i’ve deconstructed the L word and said to myself

how gendered it is, how limiting, how suffocating

i’ve spoken quite fluently about the ills of monogamy

the internalization of a romance from movies and fairytales

and unapologetically refused to give in

but now there is a voice behind my chest

a bluebird that had been tucked away, who sings again

i cannot decide if her voice soothes or scares me away

but she sings of love again

and wanting to fall in love

is a very heart-numbingly, gut-wretchingly, brain-lessly

scary feeling, because it’s just easier not to.