Tara.
Agar tum saath ho.
Tamasha.
Heer toh badi sad hai.
Heer.
Kuch hai iss movie mein. Something fantastical, something romantic beyond the real, a theatre. It is my go-to movie for sad, heartbroken days although a reason for my broken heart is Imtiaz Ali and his screwed-up notions of love. But kya gana hai, heer toh badi sad hai. Dil khush kar dene wala sad song. My soul song. The happiest song for a sad person.
But aaj gungunate hue realize hua - it is Tara that I'm in love with. Ved is inessential. None of my dogs are named Ved (it's an important sign!). I love how she hums and dances and goes out for walks alone. I love the new year party she leaves to put on headphones and dance in the flowy white gown at home. I love how she sits at a cafe, pretending to read, waiting to meet the guy she's been looking for. I giggle at how she pretends to not notice him when he finally sees her. I love her smile when they finally go out on a real date. And I love, I love when she says "ye toh mujhe nahi chahiye" when the person she sets out to date turns out to be very different from the person she wanted to be with. I love agar tum saath ho, the strength to be there for the other. I love her courage to walk away.
Tara is the woman of my dreams. The one I want to be. That is the love story I keep seeking.
I have loved myself at my fiercest. When I started running and my furry friends would run with me. Listening to music by a water body. Quietly staring at the world from the top of a trek. Dancing at the beginning of a zip line. Reaching out to the person at the next table who is crying. I love how I automatically shout out a hello to every cat, dog, cow, lizard, grasshopper, spider that I see. Asking the auto-wale bhaiya if he is familiar with the area and helping him with the directions out. Smoking a cigarette and walking leisurely through streets that once scared me. Walking. I love when I walk. I used to hate walking. I love me smiling gently looking at people and their weird antics. I love that I choose to be kind despite so much inside me hurting.
Mostly, I love the choice to be gentle when turning numb would be so much easier.
Tara is me. I am Tara.
Jab character itna bindaas ho, toh tamasha toh mazedaar hee hoga :)
Agar tum saath ho.
Tamasha.
Heer toh badi sad hai.
Heer.
Kuch hai iss movie mein. Something fantastical, something romantic beyond the real, a theatre. It is my go-to movie for sad, heartbroken days although a reason for my broken heart is Imtiaz Ali and his screwed-up notions of love. But kya gana hai, heer toh badi sad hai. Dil khush kar dene wala sad song. My soul song. The happiest song for a sad person.
But aaj gungunate hue realize hua - it is Tara that I'm in love with. Ved is inessential. None of my dogs are named Ved (it's an important sign!). I love how she hums and dances and goes out for walks alone. I love the new year party she leaves to put on headphones and dance in the flowy white gown at home. I love how she sits at a cafe, pretending to read, waiting to meet the guy she's been looking for. I giggle at how she pretends to not notice him when he finally sees her. I love her smile when they finally go out on a real date. And I love, I love when she says "ye toh mujhe nahi chahiye" when the person she sets out to date turns out to be very different from the person she wanted to be with. I love agar tum saath ho, the strength to be there for the other. I love her courage to walk away.
Tara is the woman of my dreams. The one I want to be. That is the love story I keep seeking.
I have loved myself at my fiercest. When I started running and my furry friends would run with me. Listening to music by a water body. Quietly staring at the world from the top of a trek. Dancing at the beginning of a zip line. Reaching out to the person at the next table who is crying. I love how I automatically shout out a hello to every cat, dog, cow, lizard, grasshopper, spider that I see. Asking the auto-wale bhaiya if he is familiar with the area and helping him with the directions out. Smoking a cigarette and walking leisurely through streets that once scared me. Walking. I love when I walk. I used to hate walking. I love me smiling gently looking at people and their weird antics. I love that I choose to be kind despite so much inside me hurting.
Mostly, I love the choice to be gentle when turning numb would be so much easier.
Tara is me. I am Tara.
Jab character itna bindaas ho, toh tamasha toh mazedaar hee hoga :)
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