Falling in love with someone who is not thinking of you

Develop a new hate for technology, a pleasurable bitterness

because you want to but don’t want to know when he last came online

if he’s seen your messages, and how long ago

You wish there was no way of knowing, maybe it would make this easier;

Sit with your friends and pretend to care, but let your eye-balls roll

every second towards the door, keep checking if it’s him;

wander into conversations that have his name, or his best friend’s name,

or his dog’s name, anything that would give a clue

about whether he’s been thinking of you;

listen intently, check if he is fine, is he calm? relaxed?

Or does he have the look of a butcher who just killed for the first time?

Take in the bitter taste of thoughts that tell you,

No, he’s not thinking of you at all; question his heartlessness

How he continues to walk straight, doesn’t even smile too much for you

to think that maybe he’s hiding the hurt; give yourself reasons,

Fill his silence with excuses, his quiet with your thoughts,

His lies with your lies; and before going to sleep each night

Fill in the void of his presence, with the paintings of what could have happened

Weaving tales of what could have been

Had he texted you at his ‘last seen’.